April 17, 2014

Failing.

48 Muna NX24.

I can't believe this is actually happening. I'm actually standing on the very edge of losing everything. In recent moments, my faith in God has been so much stronger than it ever was. Now… maybe my faith surpasses the true nature of His handling of me. Unless He plans to send someone to my student apartment with a large check or allow me to trip over a suitcase full of cash, I know I don't see very much of a solution in sight. There are so many people in need of jobs and willing to take anything. In just two weeks, I've already seen two more new faces. I'm starting to lose a lot of hope in my survival down here. I'll start having to steal tissue out of the public restrooms to meet the demands of an ass and nose that needs wiping. Very simple hygienic tasks are now daunting. Eating will be soon. It's almost like the more I trust God, the more disillusioned I become by what happens to me. If I'm going to fail unconditionally, might as well forfeit that silly faith that there is a "God" that will somehow save me. If He was going to do that, it would have happened months ago.

April 16, 2014

Ring.

47 Muna NX24.

While doing a thorough cleaning of the bathroom, I managed to find the ring of an attractive British guy beneath the decorative towels as if he hid it there intentionally. Such a place seems odd for something that sentimental to be considering the extent we searched for it- in my room and closets, while he was here. What is remarkable is the fact that after more than two weeks following the time he decided to ignore me, he still does so even after I took it upon myself to search through my billing statements to find his number and inform him that I found it. I guess because I was overwhelmed with grief and suicidal, that was reason enough to permanently cease communication with me. Maybe I should have taken something of considerable importance to him since an effort to recover the ring isn't worth responding to me over. People are ridiculous. So I was depressed out of my mind at the time. Get over it. If I'm contacting you again solely with regard to something you lost, don't you think I've gotten over it too? Ridiculous. But you know, maybe he doesn't deserve it back. No. Now it belongs to me and will become the first of many decorative pieces on my chains. I found my ring. It stopped being his when he stopped responding to me.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________