October 21, 2014

Push.

51 Gerra 51 Valadian.

Although things have gotten better since the last time I had written a post, I am now faced with another hardship just as pressing as the last- struggling to maintain what little I managed to get. Between the foolishness and mayhem from this new illiterate manager that I work under and the diminishing cushion of money I have left in my account, I am resorting to more situations I had never dealt with than ever before. I spend the entire day spooning peanut butter from a jar as a means of satisfying what at least two meals would have done because I don't have the money to eat on a regular basis. I praise God for that peanut butter, because not only am I able to temporarily satisfy my hunger during the prolonged periods that I endure without eating, but I honestly don't feel the need to eat afterward. But through much of this financial hardship of having to pick and choose which bills I am going to pay, when all of them need to paid in order for me to function normally, I am beginning to resort to other possible God-given talents for possible financial relief. As much as I sing in karaoke bars and on karaoke nights, and with excellent feedback- even from musically inclined patrons of these establishments, the least I could do is attempt to pursue a career as a singer.

I am praying desperately to be alleviated from the suffering I unknowingly inflicted upon myself. I am praying desperately to be alleviated from the suffering that I never deserved. Has it made me a stronger person? It has... for the most part. At this point, the punishment is no longer serving the purpose of teacher, but rather, inhibiting my ability to simply survive in a diminished state- indefinitely reduced to a state of living that I did not intend to endure. So there is a fire burning within my heart, a restlessness in my mind, filled with a heavy motivation to do something to stop my life from being a seemingly never-ending hardship. God, truly there must be a way to achieve the things I have always dreamed of... much sooner than later.

September 16, 2014

Pissed.

16 Gerra 16 Valadian.

Only a filthy ass, ugly and dusty piece of shit from Africa would come to America with the sole purpose of failing people as a professor. While I can honestly say that I may have had one really good  African instructor, this one should have been kept indigent and belligerent, running around in the dust of the subsaharan Sahel with nothing but something to keep his junk from being seen by mankind. He laughs at a class that does not understand anything he is saying because of his ridiculously thick and disgusting ethnic accent. He laughs at students who are seriously making the effort to learn something  and cannot because we are subjected to his mediocrity as a teacher. He is neither worth the title, nor the salary that he drains from people who must pay all of this back. Not to mention he has completely disrupted my plan to graduate in December, so I may as well prepare to have my time in school extended another semester, just to accommodate this class that I will pretty much have to repeat. Regardless of whether that grade is a W or an F. I am so upset right now that I ended up returning to Foxy Loxy, sitting around all these fake ass faggots whose voices turn my stomach and provoke every muscle in my body. Is it wrong to want to beat the living shit out of one of them? No... Beat the fake shit out of them until they are faced with physical flaws that will leave them with no choice but to embrace humility and cultivate the degree of substance that I have always had.

I'm so fucking mad right now... God if I had published my first book and was making mad money off of my royalties, I would literally have thrown my shit across that African instructors room and told him to take his nigger ass back to Africa because we don't need anymore mediocre teachers in America. We have enough and it is a big enough problem already. We don't need his ugly ass behind making that worse. Got me over here drinking a whole gotdamn bottle of Moscato trying to deal with the repercussions of this. That's alright because I'm going to praise God and get my books back. Now let me make a phone call just to see if it is at least on its way.