September 2, 2014

Purge.

2 Gerra 2 Valadian.

I have tolerated more than an acceptable degree of belligerent, promiscuous, and malicious behavior from these gay men. Enough to merit never seeing these individuals ever again. Disgusted isn't even an adequate description to substantiate the sentiment that I harbor for them. They all must go. Each and every last one of them. They must no longer be given any kind of relevance in my life. Their names not need be mentioned, their presence need not be embellished with the honor of remembrance. At this particular time in my life, half way through my twenties, I refuse to continue to prolong an unacceptable tolerance of people taking advantage of my kindness anymore. I departed from that job I took at the restaurant because I received a far better job elsewhere. One that will allow me to afford not only my existing bills, but will allow me to take full advantage of my financial aid refunds for the sole purpose of providing myself with a safe place to sleep at night. Isolating myself from the faggots back there was probably one of the highlights of my abrupt and expedited departure.

I may be physically attracted to men, but I do not have to befriend any. There still remains, one in particular who seems to enjoy being excessively intoxicated around me. His interest in me appears marginal at best and thankfully, we've not engaged in anything sexual for weeks. Not even a kiss. I've held him for a few moments, but would have to end that because of how erratic his sleep is. Still, he is no exception to the purge and I project that it is only a matter of time before he, like the others, must go.


September 1, 2014

Purification.

1 Gerra 1 Valadian.

Throughout my birthday, I began to reflect upon all that I had endured and what I have had to deal with throughout the very end of the Nivux. It was then that I had realized that my sudden longing for complete and indefinite isolation was no momentary desire. It is a long-term resolution for having failed to an astronomical degree in achieving my most cherished of dreams. If I can create every dream in the most intricate of detail to the extent that one may be able to physically touch it, then that would substantiate all that I would then be, hypothetically missing in the world beyond my own. I dream now not of achieving anything beyond substantial wealth, but of a life in which I may live it completely and wholly immersed in the world that I have created. I want to live as if my own civilizations... my own people exist and reality does not. I will hire someone to serve as my representative and attend any events that may require my presence, but I refuse to leave my fortress. It will be the barrier that houses my culture, my life, my love, my passion, and everything that I am. The Valadian, is a two Earth-year period (1096 DVI years), that will encompass the purification process necessary to prepare the mind, heart, and spirit for the conception and entry into Savartí. Savartí is the holy place of refuge for the Earth imprisoned flesh that houses Xivinrah (my spirit), and the entirety of DVI - the world of worlds. It will be where I spend the duration of my life in complete isolation, until my spirit ascends.

What will the Valadian's purification period consist of? No sex. No drinking. No dating. No physical affection. No nakedness. What does the physical affection restriction consist of? No kissing. I must refrain from the engagement of physical interaction that entails the handling of another individuals private parts. Regardless of any technicalities that may exist with regard to what constitutes being an act that is sexual in nature. If there isn't a man that does not see the value of my substance, my mind, my spirit... then there isn't a need to embrace any of these acts. The only exception to all of these rules is if a man should, in sincerity, profess love to me in his display of actions. The only man who remains left to the entitlement of this particular possibility is Jeff. But there remains very little possibility that he and I will be anything more than friends.